Advice for Women Seeking Marriage

October 1, 2011

by Christi Borden   

Author Unknown but shared by Pattie Huey

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it’s not quite as good as his mother’s…

Then…Adopt a dog.

 

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want…

 Then…Adopt a dog.

 

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn’t care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies…

 Then…Adopt a dog.

.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores…

 Then…Adopt a dog.

 

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn’t care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually….

 Then…Adopt a dog.

.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness….  

 

 

Then…Adopt a cat!

(And you thought I was going to say… marry a man, didn’t you?)


Lunch with The Girls Through the Ages!

July 22, 2011

by Christi Borden

Unknown Author….

A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.
Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.

10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of a hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.

10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early bird special.

10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.

10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.


In Honor of National Flip Flop Day…

June 17, 2011

by Christi Borden

 

 

Did you know today is National Flip Flop Day? What a great excuse to free your little piggy’s from their torturous entrapment and don your favorite flop. There is actually a history behind the celebration, of sorts and you will find out more than you could ever know about the lovable footwear on http://www.pecheblu.com/history.php . With an ancestry going back to ancient Japan, Rome, Egypt, today’s flip flop has a solid and sordid past. Just check out how the hot babes of Rome would nail designs into the soles of their sandals to leave designs in the sand that would direct potential suitors their way. Hmmm…. perhaps a GPS chip could accomplish the same without the odd nail in the foot? 

My favorites, pictured above, are called Fit Flops and come in a huge array of blinged out designs. They are supposed to tighten the tushy but I love the stylish tops and the excellent arch support. They have replaced the immortal white tennis shoe when traveling abroad and are the first thing I put on when not wearing respectable “work” shoes.

So, in honor of the flop, put away your pumps, stow your stilettos, file away your flats, escape from your espadrilles and grab your favorite pair. Better still, send me photo and we can show our support for the National Flip Flop Day and happy feet!


Hate Not Your Weatherman!

February 4, 2011

Okay, so everyone today is calling for the heads of our “Weathermen” in Houston, TX for the daring prediction of up to 5 inches of snow and ice, urging that it would be impossible for schools, businesses and every living soul in Houston to get anything done today. Hunker down, they cried!

And we, the citizenry of Houston, listened and obeyed. We made alternative working arrangements. We closed our schools. We cancelled all manner of plans. We hit the local HEB in droves seeking emergency supplies to wait out the impending storm. And we woke up today to … nada. Birds singing, sun shining, grass unbelievably green without a trace of winter’s touch.

Oh, the anger expressed amongst our most vocal at the inconvenience and disappointment of it all.

But let’s take a moment to appreciate the plight of our poor local Meteorologist. Day in and day out, the only other forecast they get to make (other than the occasional hurricane where the national boys step in and take over) is: “Today, it will be partly cloudy, hot, and humid with a 35% chance of precipitation”.

So when they finally got a chance to break free and deviate from the norm, who can blame them for going at it with gusto? Who can blame them for their one moment of passionate and unbridled spontaneity in what must be one of the most monotonous occupations in the world?

So to you, Mr. “I better figure a way to cover my back side on this one” Weatherman, we in sunny and dry Houston salute you!


A Life Lesson from Groundhog’s Day!

February 3, 2011

Did you watch the movie last night? I caught it on its final cycle and remembered why I love it so. It is a timeless movie: well written, well cast and just plain funny!

The central character is a grumpy, ego-centric, curmudgeon named Phil (Bill Murray not the groundhog) who finds himself caught in the nightmare of repeating the same day over and over again. No matter what he does, he wakes up at 6:00 am to find himself right where he started the day before. The entire movie is spent watching Phil’s reaction to this phenomenon and how he is changed by it.

It is when Phil Connors has the epiphany that he is truly happy with himself and his life as it is “now” and does not care about tomorrow, only then is he allowed to move forward.

Are you happy? Are you living in the “now” or are you waiting for your life to happen to you some day down the road? 

What will you find tomorrow when your alarm goes off and your day begins. Will it be different or just a repeat of the same?

If you love what you have today, then you will have it again. If not, only “you” can decide to be happy and discover a new day.

Don’t you love it when Hollywood gives us a postive message for a change?


A.A.A.D.D. – Know the Symptoms… Please Read!

February 3, 2011

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better even though might have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So I decide to put the bills back on the table & take out the garbage first..
But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm.
I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold..
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye..
They need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote
someone had left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs.
But first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers.
Quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail…..

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who the  heck I’ve sent it to.

(The author is unknown to me as this was shared by a friend, thanks John. If you wrote this, please let me know so I can give you credit… that is if you can remember writing it in the first place).


What if I Build a Blog and Nobody Comes?

January 27, 2011

Does this go through the mind of anyone thinking of beginning a blog? It goes through my mind, still…

I have developed a newfound passion and respect for blogging and bloggers, brought about by a longtime, secret desire to write, the knowledge that it might actually be good for my business and a challenge by blog creator, WordPress.com. Who knew a silly online challenge would unleash the writer within?

I am now a true believer and crusader for the power of the blog. I also make every effort to follow other writers to learn more about this exciting craft and have discovered there is a lot more to it than simply throwing words on a wall and hoping they stick.

If there are so many great reasons to do it, why don’t more people try it. And for those of us who do, why aren’t we doing a better job? While getting started seems to be the hardest part, in reality, it is consistency or rather the lack of consistency that trips us up.

So you want to start a blog? Great. Welcome aboard. First, you come up with a title, pick out a theme … now what? Some will plow ahead unhindered by fear or hesitancy, while others will end up staring at a daunting online dashboard, paralyzed with indecision and frozen from elbows to finger tips, unable to render a single word. Sound familiar?

I started with no plan at all. I was meandering from thought to thought and this approach helped me get into the habit of writing. I could continue along this path but I realize to obtain relevancy and longevity, my blog and my thoughts require focus. To help develop your own, draw a wagon wheel on a sheet of paper or on the first page of your blog journal. If you do not have a blog journal, get one. This a great way to capture the white-hot streaks of ideas that race across your consciousness and eventually become seeds for your posts.

Now, write down the focus or main theme of your blog in the center, and add related subjects or topics at the end of the spokes, throwing in a few that may not relate to the central story you are trying to tell but reflect who you really are. Your overall theme may anchor the blog but only by adding a bit of “you” will it be interesting.

How many of us have had blogs for a while but have not posted in months… years even? That is not really a blog, but a dull and static example of how we have missed the most important recipe for blogging success… consistency. A good way to develop the habit of routinely updating or contributing to a blog is to create a daily or weekly schedule for your topics.  An example could be Top Ten Tuesday, Wild Wednesday, Free Thought Friday, etc. This puts a routine to your writing and helps your reader anticipate what to expect from your blog. This is a great way to build your viewership and that goal of all goals, the subscriber.

Finally, let’s talk about syndication, which is important to getting actual eyeballs on your site. Luckily, WordPress will send your posts directly to Facebook and Twitter. I would also suggest advertising the name of your blog along with your static website. There are many people who feel that the blog has taken center stage and basically replaced the need for a separate site. I still cling to mine but have made a link to my blog a central part of my site and have started sharing my blog URL as I would my address or cell phone number.

Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that if you build it, they will come. But I can guarantee if you don’t, they will go somewhere else.

What are you waiting for? Like me, you may find that you not only like it… you love it.

Happy Blogging, Y’all!